Temiola did not have so many friends but Anita is one friend that she holds so dear. They had shared secrets, moments, values, aspirations and goals. Now, Temilola’s wedding was fast approaching and Anita was top notch on her list of bridal train.
The day came and Anita was nowhere to be found. Temi knew that Anita did not so much like her choice of fiancé but not coming to her wedding was going to be a big deal if Anita had no cogent reason.
Prior to the wedding, Temi had seen Anita withdraw in many obvious ways but she had simply jettisoned it but now, Temi was beginning to lose it for Anita. She didn’t think she was ever going to continue her friendship with someone who did not treasure her big day.
No doubt, unexpected attitude from a friend you least expect digs out emotions of pain, hurt and maybe resentment. Some of us, if not most of us have been at that point.
Offences from friends are one of the many occurrences that are not uncommon to the human nature. However, while such occurrences happen to all, addressing the occurrences rightly is uncommon.
We have been hurt by friends and family whom we trusted with our secrets and life, unfortunately we’ll still be hurt in the future. What makes the difference in the outcome is how we handle the perceived hurt which is largely based on our understanding of the principle of friendship.
Longstanding friendships are not ones devoid of hurts but ones that CHOOSE to continue and overlook offences from the friend. An African adage says “se mi ki n bi e, logun ore” meaning ”when you offend me and I am able to ask about it, is the medicine for friendship”.
That you will experience no offence in your friendships is almost impossible in human friendships. Friendship is about imperfect people who have come to accept themselves and continue no matter the odds. You never know what offence await you with another friend because we are all humans.
Take a minute, go down the memory lane, try and remember the kindness your friend has shown you in time past and if not for anything, let that single act of kindness make the relationship continue.
Many opportunities will be lost from either sides when friendships discontinue. Friendships are a form of social support in life and just like many other ventures, it has its disadvantages and advantages. Offences and friendship are like two sides of a coin, to neglect one side is to let go of the other side. It is time to love that friend again. Does that mean the person won’t offend again? Not exactly.
NB: When a friendship is life threatening or negative in ways you cannot cope. Please, do well to excuse yourself. The medicine above only applies to meaningful friendships not detrimental ones.
Today, Anita and Temi remain best of friends. Anita’s husband apologized to Temi and Anita saw her error. She got closer to Temi’s husband and realized, he is really a wonderful person. Her decision in the first place was for the love of her friend. The two families have in no little way helped themselves in the achievement of their purposes and goals. What great opportunities they would all have missed if the relationship had crumbled.
IF you are finding it difficult to let go of hurt or in a toxic relationship and friendships,we can help you deal with the issues, do not walk this tortuous road alone – Contact firstname.lastname@example.org or 081 2827 6962, +234 2291 4084 to book an appointment with a licensed therapist.
Motolani Akintayo MSc, BSc
Reviewed by Olugbemi Olukolade