Love is a strong emotion and February is a time the feeling is all in the air! Most couples want to express their affection at this time. Most relationships have their romantic highs and lows irrespective of the show of deep desire for each other. Around this time many relationships turn into engagements, sadly, some break up, other down the long road of the whole emotional draining drama. Let us take it back a little and ask ourselves what makes up a good relationship and why does it seem like some relationships do not work out?
Common reasons relationship fails are; trust issues, unmet expectations, compatibility issues, communication issues, conflicting personality, partner abuse, Substance abuse, distance (physically and emotionally) and financial problems. These are life issues that individuals face every day and they need to be sorted by the partners in the relationship.
It’s important to understand our diversity and differences despite been in a relationship, we all have our personality characteristics commonly called personality traits which determines how we are perceived and the way we see others. Researches into what brings two individuals together into a committed relationship had shown the strong denominator of personality in romantic relationships. There is the saying that “opposites attract” and also “birds of the same feather flock together”. These seem like two contradictory statements that also bring about trying to understand relationship stability.
According to the assortative mating theory, people select mates that have similar characteristics or traits as they do. According to Derrick et al (2016), partners who are actually similar may interpret each other’s thoughts and behavior more accurately. This may allow for partners to feel better understood and they might experience a better relationship than couples who are not similar. Also according to Mehrabian (1989), partners who have similar values especially on measures with psychological adjustment such as self-esteem, emotional stability and self-concept experience higher satisfaction or stability in their relationships.
There have been few studies on dissimilarities, which has led to little evidence to support the idea that opposite attracts. But in general there are other factors that contribute to the influence of personality on relationships.
Emotionality: The ability to manage ones emotions can be crucial for a successful relationship. Understanding your emotions and that of your partner can improve intimacy and provide the emotional air needed for your mental health.
Self-Esteem: Our feeling about our self is dependent often the satisfaction we have about our relationships which often times dictates who we pick as our partners. Its agreed that when we have good self-esteem we go for partners with similar esteem.
Impulsivity and maladaptive traits: An impulsive behavior is an action without insight which is prematurely expressed, poorly conceived and inappropriate to the situation. This often leads to anxiety, anger, (generally hard time) in a relationship this fall in line with the negativity of maladaptive traits. This behavior contributes negatively to a relationship and greater impulsivity is associated with riskier behaviors which is not good for any partner and lower relationship satisfaction.
Partner Ideal and Partner Perception: What do you expect in a partner? Our expectation determines our subconscious responses to the partners in our relationships. Responses such as appreciation, acceptance, seeing strengths in a partner do increase our relationship satisfaction, intimacy, commitment, and support. Our views of the partner determine how we feel in our relationships.
These factors connected with the personality trait of the individuals involved play an important role in determining if the relationship will work out fine or not. In most cases we realize people do not pay attention to some of these details before getting into a relationship or even marriage. Once the butterflies are felt in the stomach they think it’s a go for them. Unfortunately butterflies do die and reality sets, which may be too late to salvage the situation.
This makes it important for couples to get to know their partners personality before proceeding into marriage. There are personality tests that can help couples know their personalities and see if they/their partners are compatible. These tests should be taken before committing oneself to another ‘till death do part’. Subsequently, we would be assessing the different personality types, the strengths and weaknesses of each personality type, and compatibility of different personality types. Stay tuned… Are you planning to get married or in a relationship with lots of differences and wondering what to do? Contact us today @ DAIMONDMOOR we care and we are ready to offer help in your relationships by expert relationship therapists, please contact us, info@diamondmoor.com.ng, 081 2827 6962, +234 2291 4084.